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Caution : Very Emo Post
Thursday, July 9, 2009
 Word of reminder: It's 0811hrs and here I am so hyped up for school and extremely early. Class' starting at 0830, for some reason I'm already in class blogging. Actually, it was more of I've bloghopped and am blogging right now. So you can roughly gauge how early I was and how long I've been here. Anyhow, I came across someone's blog and she spoke on how one might never be too sure what the outcome might be as much as you work super hard for it. So it set me thinking. What if, maybe, all that I've worked for prayed for wished and hoped for never will turn out the way I wanted it to. Thinking about it gave me the shivers. I hate screwing up. I hate to disappoint, again. I hate to hurt, again. & I'd hate going thru the great ordeal it took to be what and where I am right now. I hate so much, and never will I want to be caught in such a situation like that ever again. I used to think that if maybe this time I was much careful, I study everything one at a time and calculate accurately all the outcomes/possibilities. Maybe, just maybe I won't screw up. Sounds nice, doesn't it ? So perfect, so smooth sailing and really calm and predictable. No surprises, no hurts, no unforeseen circumstances. But who we kidding ? Now, I realised how Nisa made much sense when she mentioned that at the end of the day, it's all left to fate. No matter how much effort you put innit, if you're not meant for it then you're not. So I question, is Zaini meant for me ? is this course where I'm supposed to be ? Will this happy family last eternally ? I don't question fate, I don't have the right to I know. I'm sucha mean person for saying all this, but I CANNOT HELP DAMMIT BUT TO THINK :'( I have and will forever and always wish for happily ever after. Please God, hear my cry :( Paranoia is taking its toll on me, (Idk how catastrophic it might get when Zaini reads this, cause he'd go crazy if he finds out I said FML teehee) With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 8:11 AM
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