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Leaving this battlefield with my head hung high
Thursday, October 1, 2009
 I leave you all to read, to judge and to discriminate or even to take sides. But I'm done for now. I'm through fighting. I'm tired. You win, we know you're physically and emotionally strong. Well, I'm neither. My daily life routine depends on so many people around me and I never did know how to stand up for my rights. So finally, the very first time I tried doing it (standing up), I think I'm not cut out for it. I know and I'm sure now that I'm weak and definitely not strong enough. You've got things to say that I know will cut deep, and all I have is just plain tears to shed. So hear me say, you win :) In simple malay terms it means, Edlin bukanlah seorang yang kuat dari segi apa-apa pun. Be it kuat tenaga or hati yang kuat. At the age of 18, Edlin still akan nangis kalau kena marah sikit pun. Itu pasal Edlin depends on all my loved ones everyday and Edlin tak boleh buat apa-apa sendiri. Jadi sekarang, bila dia akhirnya nak try buat benda sendiri, dia suck. & Edlin tahu Edlin tak tahu macam mana nak react to all this, or apa nak cakap or buat or anything. And Edlin tahu you are so good at all this exchanging of nasty words jadi Edlin menyerah kalah (MENYERAH RIGHT, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG THANKS). So akhirnya, Edlin is going to say that you menang, you win in this fight that I'm not even sure I am in. Tapi I definitely don't want to be in it anymore.   Nur Edlin, is an all time loser ! HEHEHE. I bimbotically (if it's a word) booked 3 tickets for us to watch YESTERDAY when we're supposed to be watching it with Siti today. And the transaction was completed and you can only make amendments 2 hours before. I felt so stupid but not yet emotional. Right after Ernie started screaming at my ears saying I damn stupid (of course, she didn't mean it) I wanted to run into the toilet and cry already. Yknow, ever since Zaini isn't around, I tend to do so many things wrong! Nenek say I "nyanyok" which means I'm getting senile. But aren't I too young to be senile already. So soon? So, Mama Ernie and I ended up watching Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs 3D! Mama was more excited over the popcorn and Ernie had to hid it behind her cause she was munching it like nobody's business even before the movie started. No! Even before we entered the theatre. After which, Ernie and I head down to PS to go shop. For the very first time, Ernie actually bought a really feminine top from FOX and I'm so proud of my wrestler HEHEHE. & Thanks afan, yknow I love you for giving me 30% staff discount :D & GUESS WHO CAME YESTERDAY TO CHEER NUR EDLIN UP !  My favourite 4 year old came! Hehehe. I was so elated, over the moon and on cloud 9. You see, that's why everything happens for a reason. Cause God knows to what extent this soul can take the amount of hurt and he is always Maha Mengasihani. Alhamdulillah. He's still a lil baby, with very cute accent and a charming smile. We had so much fun and I had all my sadness shoved aside. & My favourite part of the day was the ICE-CREAM! hehehe. Don't you just love anything sweet and cold ! Don't you ! Don't you ! & I owe Boyfriend a million thanks because despite being so far away, you're always making sure that I'm all fine and okay. And even after much persuasion to not call me, you still did. You just know don't you when I'm not okay. I'm so grateful to God for allowing me to chance upon you and love you beyond words. Now, and insyallah forever. He keeps on saying how only he can bully me, and no one else. Calling me a bimbo, is bullying too FYI (Ernie, read the last sentence carefully) HOW ABOUT NOBODY DESERVES THE RIGHT TO BULLY ME :P (will never happen, but worth the typing) Alright, I needa book tickets for today hahaha. Thank god Dad didn't get angry after finding out I wrongly booked today's show for yesterday. Yay me! I get to watch movies for 2 consecutive days HEHEHE. Now, I wanna clean my room cause all my stuffed toys(7 bears, 2 bantal busuk & 2 cartoon bolsters) are all over the place and Mama is surely going to scream soon. With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 11:10 AM
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