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Growing up, Giving up
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought wrong. What happens now? Where do I go from here? I'm not saying I'm not glad I'm done with school, but Time was so cruel to pass by so quick I did not even have the time to figure out what am I supposed to do now that school's over. Suddenly, school's just over. I don't know how to make big decisions. I never make big decisions. The last time I did, I-shall-not-talk-about-it-let's-skip-this-part but Papa fixed it, no I did not fix anything. I'm so used to having Papa telling me where to go after this, after that, and all I did was just follow. I'm never the one determinining how something should be done, even when it comes to Zainee. So how? Do I continue my studies? Do I work? Do I do nothing? Or even anything even? I secretly wish Papa will say,"Olin, here you go. Apply for this university, it's very good. I pay" Or for Zainee to say, "You stay home, let me work" FINE I get it, I have to work I need to work but nonetheless, feed me will you! Tell me stuffs like "I got you the job" something, anything. Show me a sign, a lil speck of light, I promise I'll see it this time but you gotta guide me there. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Both my man just left me hanging. Aimless & lost :'( With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 5:12 PM
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